This month, we’re talking about community here on my blog. I think it’s actually going to end up more of a journal-reflection type series than informational or practical. My hope is that you will find some of the reflection questions helpful. This post will focus on friends.
Recently, I listened to a podcast episode about friendships, and it mentioned that most of us don’t have very many “real” friends. It may feel like lots of people lots of friends because of what we see on social media. Of course, there are many people who will celebrate the great things of life. And we know that most friends (and strangers) will be there for us when we need them. But few would be ones we share our deepest fears and hurts, our hopes and dreams, drop everything at a moment’s notice. Most people in our lives would really be considered acquaintances. Fewer are true friends. And even fewer are the kind of friends who “get us.”
I’m forever grateful to have the amazing friends I also called my siblings. That is the best because we know our growing up stories, experiences, culture, traditions, and so much more.
School
I love the small connections with schoolmates through social media but most people I hung out with from elemetary, middle, high school, and college actually and surprisingly aren’t even on social. People moved away before social media even really existed so I never had a chance to stay connected. I did enjoy all the groups I was a part of…you can read about that in a post I wrote about the clubs I joined.
Our Church Then
Even though we were “commuters” to our SF Chinatown church, the friendships developed there are treasured. We were quite a hodgepodge group from all parts of San Francisco, the East, North, and South bays who probably wouldn’t have hung out with each other if we all went to the same school. There were the aunties and uncles who mentored me and now call friends. I learned so much from the younger ones I mentored and now call friends. There is also the honor of knowing my peer group I consider lifelong friends who can pick up a conversation wherever we left off. Here’s to more friendship dinners, sleepovers, retreats, snow trips, movie nights, sunrises at Coit Tower, sunsets at Half Moon Bay, late night eats, and more.
Our Church Now
I don’t think any church could be as different as a Chinese church in San Francisco chinatown than the one we attend now, a very non-Chinese church in the suburbs of the East Bay. Besides the children of long-time church attenders, we must have been among the handful of “younger” folks and people our age when we first visited with a 1-year-old. I have no doubt this is where God called us to, and so far He has not called us to leave. What we’ve experienced has certainly not been easy but we have been challenged to do God’s work and love God’s people in a way that we haven’t seen in most faith communities.
A few years before our current group, we were stretched, in a good way, by our small group. We opened our home, we were welcomed in their homes, and the yummy weekly meals together was a great part of this group, as well as life lessons, thought-provoking reflection questions, and call to serve and love well.
Other Church Communities
We were also part of a few other church communities through their activities and groups. After college, we joined a friend’s small group that was made up of people of all ages. There were chefs in the group so we enjoyed some delicious meals. Another community group we were in before we got married was part of Norm’s old church that was also made up of people from various stages of life. There were definitely great cooks in the group but we found that we enjoyed great dining experiences together more than cooking for each other, even though we did that too! Children’s theater, community children’s choirs, art academy, and Awana/Bible clubs for our kiddos were so great. We participated in the holiday events and community events of our neighborhood churches.
Stage of Life
We had a few “stage of life” communities that encouraged us through the years. These friends always met us where we were at because they were going through the same things. My college friend gathered a few couples for our young couples group…until we all got married and had kids. I was a part of MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) for a few years. It was a relief to know I was not alone in the challenges and celebrations of motherhood, and I took in all the wisdom of the wonderful, dear mentor moms. Homeschool groups were a lifeline when it felt abnormal to find something that worked for our family. We learned so much and grew together in so many ways.
Photos blurred for privacy. Photos above are from public performances.
Serving, and Camping, and Zooming, Oh My!
That brings us to our current community group. We were only with our group for about a year before things shut down. There is no better group I’d do pandemic life with. For the past two years, we only missed Zoom meeting for a handful of weeks. That was during the summer when some of us were able to see each other because of various projects and get-togethers. The consistency and authencitiy of our time together was and is needed. We were sad and angry together. There was plenty to celebrate together. Grief and illness was a theme. But so was joy, hope, and gratitude. We looked for ways to help and did what we could when we were able with what we had. But we also rested when we needed to.
If you aren’t pictured here, know you are dearly loved by me, but I might just not have photos with you or don’t know where the photos are right now. Send me some of us together if you have time. Thanks!
How is your relationship with your friends? What do you love most about your friends? How do you want it to be like? Are there things that may frustrate you in your relationship? What is something that makes your friendships unique and different from other friendships? Are there special traditions and stories that stand out to you?
I have feelings and thoughts about the term BFF but maybe that’s a post for another day. What do you think about that term?
Related: Kids Against Hunger | Encouragement for Real Friendships