This month, we’re going to talk about community here on my blog. I think it’s actually going to end up more of a journal-reflection type series than informational or practical. My hope is that you will find some of the reflection questions helpful. I’m going to start with the first community I knew – my family of origin!
My Family of Origin
My family of origin includes my dad, my mom, my two sisters, and my brother. We have had so many other family members who lived with us for extended and temporary periods of time thoughout my growing up and I would say that impacted a lot of my values and our traditions. My paternal grandma moved to the United States when I was born so she could care for me and my older sister. Many of my aunties, uncles, and cousins lived with us when they moved to this country. And there have also been many, many extended family members like my parents’ cousins or others from their village who stayed with us before they found a place of their own. We didn’t have a big house but I never felt like it was crowded. There wasn’t a lot of money but I never felt like we didn’t have enough.
Our family started out in San Franciso and then moved across the Bay. We were thisclose to moving to the North Bay but ended up in the East Bay in the middle of first grade. My parents owned a restaurant. They worked from before the sun rose until way past the time the sun set. We didn’t have much time together but I never felt like we were neglected or ignored although we were latchkey-ish kids some evenings. There were many things my parents couldn’t help us with, like filling out school forms or science fair projects, but they did the best they could.
Circa 1985, in front of Vaillancourt Fountain in Embarcadero Plaza, San Francisco
Traditions and Family Life
While we followed some, we didn’t strictly follow all the auspicious Chinese traditions. There was our lunar new year meal, visiting with relatives and friends, and receiving red envelopes. We called all our elders by their titles and never their first names. Even though my parents owned a Chinese restaurant, we always ate real homecooked Chinese meals, which our friends found weird, even the Chinese ones who were not first-generation Americans. My mom didn’t have time to be a “tiger mom” but we knew enough the hardships our parents and grandparents endured so that we could live a better life, so we tried our best, learning English on our own and doing our work without help from parents who were never afforded an education. My parents were point people in bringing their relatives over to the states and caring for them, as well as sending money home to the village.
My Siblings
My siblings and I were taught to love one another because it’s one of the longest relationships we have. I don’t know about typical family arguments but if we argued, it never lasted long (or my grandma would make sure we would mind her and knock it off). My siblings are my best friends. We don’t go a day without messaging one another random, funny, hard, or encouraging notes. I know we have each others’ backs and are the first people I call for anything. My older sister helped me navigate school and life stuff. Since my younger sister and I shared a room, she listened to everything on my mind. My younger brother brought a perspective to my life that I wouldn’t otherwise have about guy things. I would have never properly learned about basketball if he didn’t allow me to keep talking during every Warriors game in 1994.
We weren’t told many stories of our parents and grandparents growing up until later on when we had to write about our family for a project at school, and some even later as we grew older and asked questions.
My Family Today
My family now include my husband and our two girls. I definitely think we are a one-of-a-kind family. We see each other more often than not and we don’t mind it at all…I think. 😛 Of course, we all have our moments, but generally, we are agreeable.
The husband and I met during our high school years and we were friends for a few years before we started dating. I think we did a lot of growing up together, and I’m glad for that. We also somewhat “mentored” a lot of people younger than us during those college/young adulting years so that helped us to see how we handle kids and teens. (I’m happy to report all our “kiddos” survived and are thriving…getting their PhDs and leveling up on certifications, mentoring other youths in their lives and growing their own families, and taking care of their parents (like they ought to!). I’ll have more stories for another day and post but some of those humans are like family too.)
Not a Typical Mom
I don’t think I’m the best mom but I’m a good mom to and for my girls. There are certainly ways I can improve. A typical mom is not what I am…also I’m not the kind of mom I thought I would be. I just want to keep them alive and for them to be kind people. There are lots of things I didn’t teach them when they were young but in the fog of those early years, I was just doing my best. I’m not a crafty mom, let’s go on outings every day mom, cute lunches mom, or coordinated outfits/parties mom. That’s what aunties and mom friends are for, right? :p I’m more of a “wow, let’s get curious about the world and learn to love others well” kinda mom.
Celebrating a birthday with Nothing Bundt Cakes Bundtlets
What Makes Us Unique
I’m sure there are many things that makes our family unique and even more things that make us weird to some people. We don’t own a TV. The biggest screen we have at our house is the one on this laptop I’m using. We own one car. This has been a challenge but nothing we couldn’t find a workaround for. (But it’s calling it quits soon, especially after someone smash it in the parking lot…) We are a homeschool-ish, music-loving, bookworm, board/card-gaming family.
Travel is fun when we get away but we are also just fine at home or finding local, small adventures. Community is amazing but are also just fine having a chill day doing a puzzle together. We like good food but are also just fine heating up a frozen meal from the freezer. Small and simple things of life are enjoyable. Not too many topics are off limits. We’re not super spontaneous which probably has kept us from being invited to quite a few things and out of a few circles, but if you plan for something that is a regular thing, that is what we have committed to and we will show up. And if you need something that we can help with that is within our schedule, finances, and health/energy, we are there for you or we will find someone who will be able to help.
How is your relationship with your family? What do you love most about your family and family members? How do you want it to be like? Are there things that may frustrate you in your relationship? What is something that makes your family unique and different from other families? Are there special traditions and stories that stand out to you?
Related: The Moy Chronicles | Picnic Date